Forgiveness
It is one of the hardest words to say when your heart is full of pain. Many people carry anger, sadness, and memories of hurt like heavy bags on their shoulders, when others say; “just forgive” it often feels like they are asking you to erase the past, to forget what happened, or to let the person who caused the pain off the hook.
But here is the truth: forgiveness is not for them; forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself.
Forgiving does not mean saying the other person’s actions were okay, it does not mean pretending you were never hurt. Forgiveness means setting down the heavy weight of bitterness, anger, and resentment so you can walk free. This is the real purpose of forgiveness, it is the doorway to healing, peace, and breaking painful cycles for good.
What Forgiveness Isn’t (and Why We Often Get It Wrong)
Before we can understand forgiveness, we must first unlearn the myths and stories we’ve been told about it. Many people resist forgiving because they think it means things it actually doesn’t.
- Forgiveness is not forgetting: You do not have to erase the past, forgiveness allows you to remember, but with clarity instead of pain, your memory becomes a teacher, not a trap.
- Forgiveness is not reconciliation: You can forgive someone and still choose to never let them back into your life, boundaries protect your peace.
- Forgiveness is not weakness: It takes great strength to let go of anger, staying bitter is easy, but releasing the pain is powerful.
- Forgiveness is not pretending: You don’t have to act like nothing happened, forgiveness begins when you acknowledge the truth of what did happen.
When we confuse forgiveness with forgetting, weakness, or forced reconciliation, we trap ourselves in cycles of hurt. Understanding what forgiveness isn’t gives us the freedom to see what it truly is.
The True Purpose of Forgiveness
Imagine holding a hot coal in your hand, you plan to throw it at the person who hurt you, but while you wait, the coal burns you more and more. That is what anger and resentment do, they hurt you, not them.
Forgiveness is dropping the coal,
The true purpose of forgiveness is release, it is the act of letting go of the anger, bitterness, and desire for revenge that keep you tied to the past. These feelings drain your energy, cloud your peace, and even harm your physical health.
Studies have shown that holding onto not forgiven can lead to stress, high blood pressure, and sleeplessness.
Forgiveness is not about giving someone else a favor, it is about giving yourself freedom. It is choosing to heal your mind, your heart, and your body.
Forgiveness Is a Process, Not a One-Time Event
Forgiveness rarely happens in a single moment; it is not a switch you flip, it is a process, a journey of steps that take time, honesty, and courage.
Here are four steps to walk through forgiveness:
- Acknowledge the pain: Be honest about what hurt you, healing begins by naming the wound, if you don’t admit, you can’t heal it.
- Separate the person from the act: Forgiveness is about the action, not always about restoring the relationship, you can release the hurt while still holding boundaries.
- Find the lesson: Every painful experience carries a hidden lesson, maybe you learned the importance of boundaries, or maybe you discovered your inner strength.
- Accept the release: This is when you choose, consciously, to let go, you might tell yourself, “I release this anger, i choose peace over pain.”
Forgiveness does not mean the memory disappears; it means the memory loses its power to control your life.
Forgiving Yourself
Often, the hardest person to forgive is not someone else, it is yourself
In toxic relationships or painful experiences, many people blame themselves. They ask:
- Why did I stay so long?
- Why didn’t I see the signs?
- Why did I allow it?
But here is the truth, you did the best you could with the tools you had at the time, loving with an open heart is never a mistake, it shows courage, not weakness.
Forgiving yourself is a vital step in healing, without self-forgiveness, you remain stuck in shame and regret. When you forgive yourself, you stop punishing yourself for the past and give yourself permission to grow. It is the final act of letting go so you can step fully into a healed life.
The Link Between Forgiveness and Breaking Cycles
Not forgiven keeps you tied to the cycles of pain, it keeps you emotionally connected to the person who hurt you, every time you replay the event in your mind, you live the pain again.
But when you forgive, you break the chain. You take back your power.
- Forgiveness stops the cycle of anger
- Forgiveness creates space for peace
- Forgiveness opens the door for new beginnings
This is why forgiveness is not about the past; it is about the future, it is about making space for joy, love, and freedom to enter your life.
At inspirewithvonb, we believe forgiveness is one of the deepest forms of self-love, it is how you step out of repetitive cycles and choose a new story.
Beyond Forgiveness: Rebuilding Yourself
Forgiveness does not erase the journey; it clears the space so you can rebuild, after forgiving, you may feel a new sense of clarity. This is the time to:
- Rebuild your boundaries: Protect your peace with firm but loving limits.
- Reclaim your identity: Pain may have made you feel small, but forgiveness gives you space to rediscover who you are.
- Restore your hope: Let forgiveness remind you that better, healthier love and friendships are possible.
Forgiveness is not the end of your story; it is the beginning of your new chapter.
Final Takeaway
Forgiveness is not forgetting,
It is not weakness,
It is not letting someone win,
Forgiveness is choosing freedom over anger, peace over pain, and healing over cycles.
The moment you forgive, you begin to heal,
The moment you release, you begin to grow,
The moment you forgive yourself, you finally become free,
Forgiveness is not for them; forgiveness is for you.
